Tag: spirituality

Don’t you want to be a leader?

This question has been thrown in my face way too many times. Oddly enough, I was told I was going to be a leader by the same person who called me an insignificant little bitch. I was not only told these two phrases but got constant whiplash between following in their footsteps to lead but also to be held down by that same individual.

The skills to lead, observe, and articulate are all positive skills passed down. The skills to manipulate, argue to the point of submission, and read other people’s body language against them were other skills I was taught. These skills though I realized are not necessarily negative but skills I have to use with caution. Skills I have to hide from others. It is interesting how many companies and people have seen these different skills I possess, and try to harness them for their benefit. It is funny how many of them say the same question, “Don’t you want to be a leader?” When they realize I no longer want the same path for myself that they laid out for me.

I don’t want to be a leader. I want to live a simple life and provide for my family. I want to enjoy and bask in the simple things. I want to stop and smell the roses. I want to cherish moments with my children. I want to provide them with financial, and emotional stability. Man there are a ton of ‘i want’ in this paragraph.

Why do so many people see me on a leadership path when I don’t want this for myself? How do I keep ending up with this same question over and over again in different forms? Is there a way to be a leader to help others, balance my skill sets for justice purposes, and cherish my family and simple things in life? Is this obtainable?

Uneasy Paths

The past few weeks, I was challenged with many hard decisions. Some of which, I realized were the wrong decision, but ultimately I learned from them. Because of the daily life chaos of pregnancy, running a home, a full-time job, volunteering, and dealing with contractors for our new home, I started to lose clarity and a sense of self. This lead to quick decisions that lead me down the wrong paths.

I just got off a call with a former colleague I met once at a company gathering. This was our second call to discuss life, the world, and ultimately self-care. She is not from the US and is also living in another country; her story and her sense of outreach are truly inspiring. The topic today that we randomly landed on was listening to the universe knocking on our doors to go down a path that we might never have thought of or would want to take. It is scary to put yourself out there, become vulnerable, and try to help others, especially in today’s climate. Here she is doing all of this by speaking amongst high schoolers in another country and teaching them to speak their truths and find their voices. When I learned this, I had goose bumps surge through me as one. I was so excited for her, but I also realized the sense of fear I had for her also rushed over me. There is still fear to speak openly, and I fear that others who choose to have courage and speak their truths will get harmed. She is going down an uneasy path that appeared two months ago as a request from a teacher. She was not looking to speak with young teens to encourage them to utilize their voices for good. Someone reached out to her to become an advocate.

It is hard to listen to knocks on your door. It is even harder to not get overwhelmed and leave space to be open to new paths that are being presented to you. We can get so unaware and caught up in our own daily life concerns, that we might miss the bigger picture to help others around us. The small amounts of generosity and willingness to listen can go a long way. It will have a rippling effect to make changes for either one person or a mass of people who are struggling. At least that is my small sense of hope I have right now, among my daily chaos, and the realization of the pure chaos the US and the world are facing right now.

I am going to challenge myself to be aware of the uneasy paths presented to me in hopes of spreading more good towards those who may want or need it.