Unforseen Relationships

We crave comfort, challenges, love, touch, truth, emotional connection, and safety. The list of items we crave is endless. Endless because it is unique to each individual. My mind, body, and soul crave different things at different times, and I switch gears daily. I am only one entity, I am only one human, but my cravings are endless.

Currently, I am joined with another entity, my third child. This child was unforeseen, its cravings are unforeseen, and its arrival into this world is unforeseen. My relationship with this baby has already begun while it is nestled in my womb. A relationship that is different from any of my other relationships. It has yet to join me in our world, and it is past 40 weeks of the growth process. I crave to meet the little one, and the baby craves comfort in my womb. It scares me that the baby has yet to come join us, and it scares me every day it finds comfort in me. I have tried many natural ways to induce, but this baby has other plans for us. It is hard, but I have to trust the process. I have to trust this baby will know when it is right for us to meet.

Meeting someone new who will impact your life is unpredictable. Conceiving this third child was unpredictable, and the day I get to meet them is now uncertain. This leads me to explain a thought that is tossing around my mind. The thought that all relationships we have with one another are unforeseen. We will never know who will come across our paths and make a difference to our mind, body, or soul. There are some relationships I have that were conceived before I was even born through family connections. Some relationships grew over time as I grew up, some that are new, some that disappeared over the years, and are now just memories. The relationships that are now close to me, I never thought would be the people in my life. Then there are relationships I thought were going to last forever that have now disappeared. I crave relationships as to many. But which ones are the right ones to have? Which ones should I chase after, which ones should I hold dear, which ones should I let go, and which ones should I fight for? All of these questions that I will never know the answer to until life occurs. Just like the question, when will I meet this baby? Something I can not control, but only have faith I will meet them when the time is right.

People will come in and out of my life when they are supposed to, but it is what I learn from those relationships and gain from them, is that matters. I only hope my connections to those I cross paths with assist in their cravings and their life path instead of hindering them.

Community

Losing ones sense of self is extremely easy. There are so many distractions and tons of chaos that surrounds us on a daily basis. Hell life is full of unfortunate events that can happen in a moments time to dismantle us off our course. OR, is this chaos and moments there to redirect us to a path that we missed.

Lately, I am realizing something my father used to tell me is coming back full circle. A way of living that I really didn’t realize was inbreed in me is now going to bring me back on a path I miss. A friend recently reminded me of this way of living in one simple statement, “Keep your community close because among this chaos, they are the ones that will be there to support you and your family.”

I grew up being guided that community is only your family, blood. But I struggled to believe this, even at a young age. Let’s just say on both my mother and father’s side my blood family would distance themselves from my sister and me because we thought differently in this sense. My sister was lucky enough to find a friend community in her high school friends that are all heavily involved in her life to this day. Something I am grateful they have adopted me into. But when do I start my own community. A community that is not long distance or virtual. A community that I find solace in and one that I find support but also contribute to support them. I am tired of bouncing around from work community to work community. I love all my friends and family that are all in different states and countries but I am missing a close presence they can not fill.

How, in today’s world of chaos, do I find a path that leads me to a local community, and one that I can trust?