Influence

We are shaped by experiences, events, and people we encounter. How do we know if we have been impacted or influenced by these encounters? Do we take the time to self-evaluate or sit with our thoughts and feelings? I know I do not perform this daily practice. I blame it on the lack of time, my tiredness, or the fact that there are other important items in my life: kids, family, work, and chores. I am not sure why we don’t instill a practice to fully understand why we feel a certain way, why we react to certain situations, or even access why we make certain decisions.

A recent podcast explained that a great leader is decisive. Not because they understand all the crucial key points that lead them to a particular decision, but because they have the understanding that a decision point allows for movement and faster results. Decisions are crucial in anyone’s life; decisions can be swayed, and decisions can set both bad and good courses of action. I have always wondered why I make certain decisions and why I am an individual who makes decisions quickly. Is it because of all my past experiences and interactions with people that allow me to access situations quicker than most? Is it because when I was little, I was always questioned why I chose to do X,Y, or Z? I was told to ALWAYS have an adequate reason for my choices and decisions, to think on the fly, make sure to assess all scenarios, and be ready for anything that life throws at you.

How come my reasoning skills map out faster than most? How can I understand and outline the steps for processes, skills, events, or deduce what will happen? Is it intuition, or is it because of how I was influenced throughout my course of life? Can it be both?

I am tired of allowing others to dictate or influence my life choices. I have allowed others to gate my reasoning skills and suffocate my intuition. I stumble and cower away my ideas, opinions, and thoughts due to past trauma. How on earth do I learn to breathe again, push aside past influences, and learn to breathe again? How do I trust my intuition?