Is it better to be alone with your thoughts or to constantly keep busy?
There must be a balance between sitting with your thoughts and just moving on. I am tired of thinking the same things over and over again. I am tired of feeling the same feelings over and over again. I am tired of thinking there are triggers or ways to manage these feelings and thoughts. Spending countless hours focusing on them and trying to manage them. I wish there was a switch to turn it off and enjoy life.
Of course, these thoughts and feelings are minimizing over time but not at a rate I am content with. They appear unavoidable and nothing I can control. They come out of left field and overtake my mental, and emotional capacity.
It is draining and lonely. Oddly enough when I was kept busy growing up, I didn’t have time to process these feelings and thoughts but I still felt alone. It is not the alone thought process of ugh, no one understands me. It is alone in a sense of not understanding myself, wanting more out of life but thinking it is not attainable.
Depression is a bitch, that is not going anywhere. So to not feel alone, I need to push forward every day and find small senses of joy. It takes more work but I am not going to let this bitch make me feel alone anymore!
Nobody-Default 