Stuck

There are many moments in life where a person can feel stuck. They can literally be stuck between two structures holding their body in once place, they can be figuratively stuck, or they can be mentally or emotionally stuck.

Lately, I have been mentally and emotionally stuck. I am caught with being physically free to do as I please but not free at all. Rather I have noticed my mind and emotions are holding me captive. The overwhelming sense of feeling stuck hits me every day in the oddest occurrences.  I catch myself listening and talking to others but my mind and heart linger and roam other places. It is as if my spoken word and body are on autopilot and this scares the shit out of me.

How am I able to work, keep relationships, or even excel in life while on autopilot? Interestingly enough, I don’t think anyone can answer that question. I have come to peace with this understanding but I am not going to settle for an autopilot life. I no longer want to feel stuck. I hate feeling not seen, heard, understood, or lonely.

Being consumed by one’s own emotions and mind is one of the scariest encounters. You are unable to run and it is rather hard to explain to others. The only way to break free from yourself is to dive into yourself and figure out how your emotions and mind are keeping you captive. So this means spending more time with me. Silencing the meanless distractions of acquaintances, unnecessary technology, and functions that are not productive to me understanding why I can not break free of my self. I am determined to stop waking up with a racing heart, sitting around people with tears in my eyes, and appearing like a fully functioning happy individual in today’s society when I am screaming inside. I want to break free and no longer be stuck. Let’s see if I am up to the task of fighting myself to find myself.