Nobody

My opinions, thoughts, or feelings do not matter because I am no one. I am one of the trillions of inhabitants that will live upon this earth. It is sad to say that for most of my life I have despairingly wished I did not live at all. I grew up with internal struggles of depression and anxiety to the point of wanting to take my life on multiple occasions. None the less I still thrive unable to explain the pain I felt growing up in my chest every time I wanted to kill my self. To this day I do not understand stand the pain and for a while, I always thought there could be nothing worse.

It was not until about 6th grade or so I decided to read about the Holocaust and watch nothing but war and horror movies. I wanted to desensitize myself but what happened was a blessing in disguise. I became sympathetic to others.  The pain in my chest was not the worst, there is so much worse out there in the world. Growing up I was thankful that I did not live during the Holocaust or during the terrorized wars and all I bared was an everyday depression of sorrow in my chest. Now, that I am grown I realized with even much more pain in my heart than before that I do not live in those times but my future children may be subject to tragedies I only read about.

What is it about in today’s world that we live in that we can not remember and learn from the past? I read about the horrors of the past to remind myself there are others that hurt. Why can we not see that hurting one another does not take our own pain or sorrow away? Why do we not understand that causing pain to others, in the end, does nothing but cause pain that we all wish to live without? I do not want answers since I feel like these questions are unanswerable. Although, I am sure others may respond. I am just tired of my mind continuously thinking and my heart feeling pain for others I watch and read about on the news. Once again, I am no one, who understand my words will not change a thing but rather this is for my own selfishness of wanting to get my thoughts out of my head.